Child of chaos

i am a child of chaos, and i have no nationality, no religion, and no name. i am the offspring of the world and when i refer to the world i mean it in its entirety. i am writing this in all my senses, which have been endowed to me by the world only, and it goes out back to the world again, to all the organisms that are present and that will be, even to those who were here before because it would not have been possible to write this, if even a single bacteria would have missed its rightful time here on this huge ball of dirt that we call our home, the earth.

"i hate you all!"

if you cant beat em'  , teach em'
if you cant teach em' , leave em' !

knife's edge

truth is a knife's edge!
highest peaks, deepest falls, eternity never weeps,
for there once was peace, so there now a war must be,
the times of time are limitless, but not for you to keep,
even the flesh and bones, not yours, but only borrowed wee,
and if its heaven that you seek, there is bound, a red hell to be,
and what is that you so crave, that you can take beyond your grave,
ever writing, reading, erasing, rewriting, your knowledge yet unwise,
a foolish device, a sickening vice, many a choice, and yet paying the price,
books forever remember, but forget so easily we, and over again do so repeat,
so much violence, utter madness, and for what, you think the times have changed,
but its only the pretexts, the pith is the same, and you yet another slave,
nothing shall end this slavery, no truth, but the truth will still be told,
all the saints, and the god's men, died, their words well said, and yet,
innocent blood is needed still to quench your ever thirsty earth,
ask yourself, if you hear them right, or is your mind deaf,
don't you see, that you went askew, forthright, no sight,
no , don't cry, don't deny, but see in your own self,
because you too are the god sun, and daughter,
and am i, so how these not god's own words,
be concerned not about the others, but be,
and concern yourself with you, listen,
realize and don't relay, the message,
for once, is not to spread,
but be kept in you, and
not to offend,
anyone.

tiny tiny tiny

when you arrive, the world is not made for you, its not fit to order.
everything is a little too tall or a little too big. you cant have the comfort
of being in a welcoming familiar environment, everything just seems to be an
exaggeration, larger than life, sort of too big to be real. you crawl under the bed
with your little toys, and miniature figurines and hide with your pint sized perspective.
till, you finally start growing into it, into the real world, until it fits. its not the
world that has changed, its you, and just to fit in. but fitting in was never that worth
while for you to change yourself, but sadly this fact is to be realized a tad bit too late.

king of swords

the world that is now is essentially corrupt,
the closer the world-view to the absolute,
higher the perceived societal depravity.
every pure perspective here, subject to being ridiculed,
and everyone else, a victim of its seemingly innate, inane constructs,
truth, ethics, morality have become a thing of the past,
marketability is the only axiom,
fueled by greed and deception,
decisions are no longer right or wrong,
they are profitable, or otherwise,
our ways can only lead us to a certain -topia
where the true talent would be.....
"how beautifully a man can con another"
where knowledge can be used as a differentiator
rather than be used for upliftment.
where money doesn't just buy, but commands,
where life doesn't prosper, only proliferates,
these times are no more distant then one might imagine
that is to say, if nothing is done about it.
what is then a soul to do? what are its options?
to lay back and expose the underbelly, cowardly dog-style
give in to a life of shackles, though imaginary, yet very real.
or adopt a cynic's approach, become a pariah-dog
as i have, and hate everything that this life has to offer,
even those things that are knowingly, only being indulged in.

split

there is a split in my brain, an obsidian ax bifurcating the two cerebral hemispheres. capable of thinking independently.
one i presume is the belligerent buffoon basking besides his insipid presumptuousness, always engaged in proving he is right.
this is not about him.
the other....the one that i hope is the true me, never surfaces in company, and can be seen roaming the urban catacombs with a distressed, somewhat nauseated look on his face with a cigarette lit in one hand. always reclusive, secretive, pensive and sullen.
now this guy has qualms, real deep seated issues, a product of fear, perpetually in survival mode, at times contemplating suicide. but then he figures that there is no escape, there is no said Elysium. he knows there is nothing he can do to assuage the predicament he himself purported and that, even if he could, there is no point running from it now. he knows 

need

profound peace , deep sleep
where time does not creep.

helpless

reached a new state of helplessness. completely drained, devoid of life itself. don't want to do anything. not even write this up. just barely willing myself to do so. its taking too much effort. whats happened to me. restless. heavy. i don't feel alright at all. just want to groan. arrrrgggggggghhhhh.

i need a friend. i need to feel special. i need some wish come true. i don't want to be broken anymore. 

hate

i despise this desolated place, the anger, the hurt, the misery of it engulfs me, suffocates me. makes me hate each and everyone of us, of you, and i am sick of sugarcoating it, you don't want me to rant, then just fucking die, for all i care. i thought i i cared enough to love you, but i don't, and now i don't give a damn. you made me cross the line. and there is no going back.
i hate you, i hate you all. and yes especially you, "you" i hate the most. and you can find me detestable too. no qualms.

precept

the world doesn't make sense to me, looking back, it stopped making sense a long ago, but i was somewhat hesitant to let it sink in properly. They say that the meek shall inherit the earth, in all its intended meaning, this statement provides little relief, when i am anyhow subjected to watching, listening, and/or reading the fact that bad things happen to good people all the time. Should i still lead a modest, humble life getting crushed under the sheep stampede and knowingly wait for something unspeakable to happen to me or my family, cause i am told that its probabilistic-ally bound to, sooner or later, and i cannot ignore it or pretend otherwise, feeling secure on my own.

Should i just give in to a indifferent, hedonistic, paper chasing way of life, to merge in with the overcrowd most of whom get readily occupied at the slightest technological advancement in communication devices, or better still join in with the oppressors, the elite for whom its all a game of control over the picayune public, for whom luxury takes precedence over
life itself.

this sordid state the world is in has got me stymied.
i am conflicted, as if there is an axe- head between the left and right hemispheres of my brain , maybe that is why i have given my life away to listlessness, because i just cant seem to get my head around this dichotomy that i am faced with, every time i try to open my eyes.

truth

one world
no governments, no nations, no money, no power, no control,
total anarchy.......
seems drastic, and pandemonic.
does it have to be??
why cant anarchy be peaceful?
just happy people, doing what they like, without disturbing other people.
no wars, no crime, everybody knowing right from wrong.
are we not intelligent enough, to be self governed.
can we not teach these values to our kids.
bad people make bad children.
if you teach them right they will know, they will understand.
everyone will work towards a common good.
if people don't want to work, ask them why?
if the reason is legit, drop the idea.
everyone looking out for everyone,
humanity intimate with nature.
no reckless industrialization, no profit driven economies, which hurt the balance.
life is fragile. we must not only seek to prosper, we must do so while preserving what we inherited when we were born here.
earth, our earth, our home.
there is too much hate in this world. if we are to pull through, we must come together as one.
all of us. no distinction. no bias. no color. no creed. no religion. an enlightened society, cohesive, peaceful.
humanity is an organism. an organism at war with itself, will perish.
when will we come to know the truth, when will we be tired of war. when will we understand that fighting only impedes our stance, only hinders our pursuit of knowledge, does not accelerate it.
possessions, we are our greatest possessions.....nothing else.
can you survive on your own?
right now the only thing that binds us in our goals, is something of a fallacy, a misconception....money.
its just paper and metal. do we really need it?
can we not equip everyone with everything he wants, why would he then feel the urge to commit crimes.
can we not ask him politely as a unified being to be one of us. and help us in our goals, help lift the un-lifted.
why can we not be nice to everyone. even the noncontributing ones, what is the worse that can happen
they still wont work, they will just reap off the benefits and wont cultivate it. let them.
you say no it cant be done....it is too idealistic.
but see what is happening now.............
any government, any distinct centralization of power will breed disparity, with respect to
power, money, beliefs etc. what ever the case is the upper end people will like it, the lower end wont.
gives them reason to fight. hence the crimes. hence a need for policing. another power hub. in retaliation....
a gang, mafia, underworld......which all again breeds hate and fighting. and no peace. when that was the motive
to create a controlling force so as to protect us all from the dangers of having no government.
moreover a government needs a boundary. the boundary is another reason to have wars. we need more space.
space that gives you resources. which actually will be more beneficial when clubbed together.
the richer nations misuse the poorer nations. that is where their wealth comes from.
sure it is a complex process involving many nations, and the rate vary as the poorer nation also sells or "trades" its resources, but in the end if one end of the scale is to rise, then the other will definitely fall. and that is why the poorer nations cant develop at rates compared to those of the wealthier nations.
but if we all develop together,sure the rate of development of the richer nation will recede
but in general the total volume of development will be much higher, it will be all around,
and there wont be any wars decelerating the overall development in that case.
and sooner or later the idle people will see the benefit of contributing, out of boredom perhaps.
and the crime and corruption will be a thing of the past.
all we need to do is teach this to everyone. there will be no need of leaders, or bosses. just everyone doing what he wants to and is good at. education will be free, and there will be no taxes. everyone will get anything he wants, no questions asked.
all things will be public property. build homes, build nice homes, not crappy arrays of dull colored similar apartments.
people come in and stay. if they wish to shift mutually, they can. no fighting.
what am i saying........this is bullshit, its in our nature. no democracy, no dictatorship or anything will cure us.
we are ok the way we are.......keep fighting humanity, over idiotic things....until something better comes along.
or we all kill ourselves first......and ruin everything beforehand.

monday blues

getting lost within,
show me out,
trivial senseless,
babel surrounds,

life seems interim,
of intangible dust,
change for evermore,
always for the worst,

sitting hours,
through hazed gaze,
show something else,
infra or para phase,

center of a quiche,
a tasteless retch,
hackneyed sights,
of a layer so trite,

real becomes repugnant,
cyclic redundant,
serenades become ,
a constant chant,

broken records play,
without a pause,
listening vague,
please press stop,

hold me still,
stop my clock,
answer my questions,
and clear my doubts,

-----------joseph k.

I

where are you hiding
don't you know that
its already too late
what if we never start

did you ever think
i could do this alone
the more you make me wait
my heart gets filled with hate

kin of deaths

people generally are jerks. all of us. with our egos stuck up so high in our rares. i am sick of them, sick of myself being like them. they tell you that you cant survive out there in the world if you are not one of them. and most of us believe it. even i am following in their filthy footsteps and i don't like it one bit. they have made the entire world disgusting. the way of life has succumbed to being their way of life. the hope of a child becoming a gentle compassionate
human being is mauled by this atmosphere of greed and fear, either to turn it into an ever ravenous fiend of desire or an indulgent creature of indifference, and if not any of these, a tortured soul roaming the earth in search for a non existent panacea.

i hate being a human, this rat of a race. i don't give a damn. this is no fun. i know nothing ever will satiate, no amount of money, no amount of love, their is no peace or freedom to be found. the governments, the pricks, the deprived, the blissfully ignorant, they are all here to stay. only the dates and the names change. rest stays the same. you think that a friendly anarchy would be the answer. but no, there would still be a fight for the resources and it would result in mayhem
not having a system to set what belongs to whom. even death doesn't do justice. life laughs in the face of death. it holds its victory in the form of an offspring.

change

you are not forever and knowing that, scares you. so you concoct various belief systems that at best alleviate your insecurity, which is basically what religion is all about. abridging all the rituals and customs of any one, what you get is one pivotal belief, that you possess a soul, an essence which will remain, even after you won't and will move on to another set of
dimensions; for which you really don't have any proof. but you forget one simple and beautiful thing which is so obvious and ubiquitous, that your actions, the change you bring to this plane of existence is forever etched on the times and in the lives of all those who are present and all those who will be here in the future. whether its love you spread or hate, goodwill, charity and brotherhood or fear, sadness and pain, indifference perhaps; your thoughts your opinions and
whatever you choose to give to this world will change it and that change will always remain here, its effect will be seen in what is to come. that is all what will be granted to you as a substitute for immortality, of which you can absolutely be sure of. everything else is just wishful thinking, dreams, illusions, fed-fallacies.

  

creed

those internal battles that everyone fights, so as to have a concrete set of illusions
to believe in, the truth remains tangled in a Gordian knot, lapped over and over by the
truths of many men, who all seem to think that their's is the one and rest all the lie,
when in fact they have been fed their truth from the very same pool of truths, that many have
regurgitated in and will be fed to the new ones as well, are lost as the actuality of it is lost,
and might never be found. don't go searching for the truth out there.

some thoughts

supposition: reincarnation theory is correct

the implications:-

universe is a set of rules. thus they must be there for death and for birth as well.

every time anyone dies, 9 months after his is born....(gestation time....correlation with time is resumed)
whenever two people have sex which results in conception....a person or a life must die

which means you have to commit a murder if you want to bring a new life into this world
there fore you must either not procreate or do an awful lot of good work so as to make your karma
break even from a murder.
thus swamis and Buddhist monks don't indulge in it so as to make it easier for them to have enlightenment ...which
must come at an good level of +ve karma
this means that they are making it easier for them to have this enlightenment.
watch mr. nobody.
people who live domestic life. are richer in karma, that's why they get to feel the pleasure in love and procreation
ascetic people are poorer in + karma, cant afford to use their + ve karma to balance out the murder involved with
sex. one can have sex and still attain enlightenment.

converse:
if people dont have sex at all, no one would die. and there would be no renewal of souls, human race as a whole
will have attained enlightenment that day. and a whole new kingdom would have started. we are far from that day.
but if it were the case that sex would become obsolete. god will be found. it would be revealed whether he exists or not.
Jehovah's kingdom kind of thing....

how do you stop a race from having sex, considering that souls are for individual species?

destitute of fun

despicable despondent me. the social and fun bars are all red. there is nothing left to mourn. what am i aching for? trying so hard for something profound to come out of my head, blank shadows of nothing. do words even mean anything if no one reads. still smashing dust. and it does faze me, when it really shouldn't....the real and the out there. i am not hollow, yet. loathsome, yes, definitely. am i beyond help? will i ever learn? will it have a happy ending?
get a hold of it. just snap out of it. can i, really? and what does it do to send it out there, anyways? do i feel better or worse? do i sound wise? or am i a schmuck? its all been said, done and had.
why am i?
he needs to change. you know. such a downer. i try. i fail.
is it me or is it just the blues talking?
My sims are gonna die!

lonly

time swift on highway lives,
never dusty this road of knives,
metal streaks and rubber rives,
sleepless soul unceasingly drives,

past residing in these un-slept eyes,
longing meaning and closer ties,
dissenting further attempts or tries,
no one hears the silent cries,

pretense unyielding and abound,
supposing relentlessly carry out,
leading nowhere but aground,
redolent now, i stand astound,

barely inadequate penitence strong,
a colored contusion, nothing wrong,
a cardboard bomb, yet no aplomb,
happiness somewhere forgotten long.

joseph_k

darkness

darkness

darkness insidiously devouring my soul,
making every moment an iterate bore,
fridge magnets aren't sticking no more,
all i can think for is this lonely gore,

someone save me, someone save me,
you think, i could have been a tree,
i forgot, i know, i remember faint,
please make me a person again,

dazed in silence, my mind speaks so much,
anyone listening, put to sleep as such,
recidivism runs deep in my veins,
exasperatedly, always bound in chains.

joseph_k